A letter for anyone
Hey, friend.
I noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time in front of the mirror lately. You have an attention to detail that’s truly unmatched, but I think you could find some other ways to use that skill. Want to know when you’re most beautiful? I’ll solve the mystery for you. Then you can use that energy for other things. I know, I should’ve revealed this beauty secret a long time ago. We all could’ve saved a lot of money on serums and gym memberships.
Okay, here it is:
It’s when your skin wrinkles up around your eyes as you laugh at a joke, or your gums peek out from behind your lips because your smile is so wide. It’s when you have rosy cheeks from chasing your dog around the house, or giggle at yourself singing a song about your cat. It’s also when you sit quietly in your reading chair, filling your mind with faraway places and lofty ideas, so focused that your eyebrows furrow. It’s when you blink away tears saying goodbye to a friend at the airport, and when your eyes light up the moment you see them again. It’s when your gaze is steady, your shoulders are square, and your chin is high. It’s when you first bat your eyelashes open in the morning, as you get your bearings and greet a new day. It’s when your fingers intertwine with someone else’s, or your lips land on their cheek. It’s when you listen wide-eyed as your 3-year-old nephew recounts his day. It’s when you tilt your face toward the sun and let it kiss your skin on a summer day, or delicately dip your toes into the cool ocean water. It’s when you let your wild hair cascade over your shoulders and down your back. It’s when you are so lost in the moment that you don’t even notice everyone admiring you. It’s when you accept a compliment without negating or qualifying it.
It’s when you allow yourself to take up space.
It’s when you permit yourself to live.
It’s when you are the subject of your story, not the object. When you see the world and have no regard for how the world sees you.
It’s when you experience love. And joy.
It is joy.
Friend, I worry that you’ll spend your whole life finding problems with that reflection. Perfection is a fantasy perpetually dangled in front of us, just out of reach. I know it’s hard to admit how much time we waste on this futile effort, but the cost of persevering is so much higher than the cost of letting go.
Think about it. What would you lose if you let yourself be? Friends? A partner? Family? Doubtful. (Though if you did, they didn’t love you in the first place.) But if you spend the rest of your short time on this earth obsessing over the texture of the skin that holds you together, or the shape of the belly that keeps you nourished, or the size of the legs that allow you to get up and move every day — you sacrifice time you could be spending on joy.
It’s hard to think so far ahead, but stay with me. In your final days, will you reflect on your life and think, “I wish I’d spent more time shrinking myself”?
I’ll let you decide, but if you only take one thing away from this letter, let it be this:
There is nothing wrong with you. It is our world that is broken. If you’re looking for something to fix, all you have to do is stop staring in the mirror.
Love always,
B
becca starkes 